Bitches and Creeps

Aren’t you so tired of all of these crazy bitches that are everywhere? I mean the world must contain around 90% bitches. At least. There really are no sane, normal women out there.

And how about men? Don’t get me started. Those spineless, desperate losers. Wishy-washy, boring. Clueless, pathetic. There are no good single men around. The ones who do approach you are just creepy stalkers.

I’m exaggerating a bit, but how often do we hear these kind of complaints and attacks against each gender?

This negative mindset towards members of the opposite sex is very common. It only breeds hate. It is divisive and uncaring.

It has the opposite affect of what we really want: to have harmonious relationships with other people.

Using terms like “bitches” and “creeps” only causes further division between men and women. It creates animosity and takes you farther away from connecting with the opposite sex.

I’m not suggesting that you tolerate behaviours that you don’t like. If a woman or man is disrespecting you or if you feel unsafe, remove yourself from that interaction. What I am advocating is a more peaceful attitude and approach for dealing with behaviours that are mostly annoying or frustrating, not dangerous.

I’m suggesting a softening of our aggressive attitudes towards members of the opposite sex. Wouldn’t that just feel better? More relaxing? More caring?

Words as Weapons Designed to Destroy You

This topic is a charged issue and provokes heated debate both online and offline. Some people would argue that if they don’t like the behaviour of someone, they will call them whatever they want! If it looks like a dick and quacks like a dick… It’s a dick! (Or creep, or bitch.)

Johanna Shroeder, executive editor of the Good Men Project, wrote this great piece on “creep-shaming”, advocating a more balanced, kinder approach in the way we refer to men but also women as well. Johanna writes, “Neither of these words [“creep” and “bitch”] should be used casually. They are powerful, gendered words. And as we know, words do hurt.”

It really depends, I guess. Is becoming a more compassionate and kinder person something that is important to you?

One issue with using these words is they are often unsubstantiated and unverified. “She’s a total bitch.” Why is she a bitch? “Cuz she just acts like one! She just looks like a bitch!”

“He’s so creepy.” Why do you say that? “I don’t know. He’s got an odd kind of walk…and a weird haircut.”

We use these words thoughtlessly and carelessly. We’re aiming to destroy, not to understand.

Emily Moss in her article, “What You’re Really Saying When You Call Me a Bitch”, writes, “To really drive home your anger or frustration, you need something that really matters, something with some oomph, something to hit ‘em where it hurts. When you insult someone your goal is to hurt, shame, undermine, or humiliate. Your goal is destruction, in some small form, of self-esteem or ego. Cut them down to size. Knock them down a few pegs. Remind them where they really belong. You need an identity tag.”

Ego Has a Tight Grip On Us

People who regularly demean and attempt to trample members of the opposite sex when they act like so-called “bitches” and “creeps” are attempting to assert their ego, to maintain the artificial construct of a false sense of self that thinks it is powerful, in control, more attractive, more talented and in general, just “better” than the object (person) that they are comparing themselves to. They are engaging in psychological warfare with someone, even if that person is no longer physically present.

All of this comparison is not real. It’s arbitrary, whimsical and is only happening in your mind. It’s all subjective and there is no real way to measure or quantify any of the judgements being manufactured in your mind.

We are so quick to vomit out these negative characterizations for the smallest of infractions. Your waitress was a little grumpy to you. Must be a bitch. A woman didn’t want to give you her phone number when you asked her out. Senseless bitch, she’s not that hot anyway. Your co-worker didn’t greet you with a smile. Super Cow, Mega-Bitch.

Some guy on the street smiles at you. Whoa, total creep. A customer makes eye contact one second too long. Creepy creeper!

Again, I’m not saying to ignore your intuition for unsafe situations. I’m talking about cutting people a bit of slack and choosing to be kind. Even being neutral or indifferent to “bitch” and “creep” behaviours would be a step towards peace, both in your internal world and in your outer relationships.

Using terms like “bitch” and “creep” is an immature way to boost our egos, assert “superiority” and avoid dealing with our own negative feelings provoked by external situations.

Bitch and Creep Alchemy: Transforming War into Peace

Imagine that instead of hastily casting out negative terms like “bitch” or “creep”, we had a completely different mindset. A few examples:

“She was such a nasty bitch to me.” might become “She was having a bad day.” Or “She’s really struggling to communicate with people in a kind way.” “I’m going to learn how to stand up for myself.” Or how about this one: “Hmm…interesting behaviour. Oh, look at that awesome sunset!”

“That guy is utterly creepy.” becomes “He must be a bit lonely. Hope he connects with some good friends soon!”. Or “I can be a little harsh and judgmental sometimes.” Or maybe even “I prefer to talk to guys who are positive and fun.” Or taking full control over your mind-state even more so: “I’m really looking forward to going on vacation next week! What? No, I didn’t even notice that guy over there.”

Do the above lines sound ridiculous to you? Ideal and unrealistic?

The point is…Look at how many creative options we have at perceiving a situation. Why do we so often choose the negative and aggressive route? We really do create our own suffering and our own problems.

Valuing What’s Truly Valuable

If cultivating compassion, tolerance and positivity isn’t important for you, then by all means, continue trashing men and women by labeling them as creeps and bitches (and all the other common gender insults available at our disposal).

A confident, grounded, happy person would never use slights, insults and generic terms like “creeps” and “bitches” to demean, degrade and attempt to devalue members of the opposite sex.

They’re too busy enjoying their lives, learning how to be happier and attempting to understand and be caring towards all the people they encounter each day. They literally don’t think in those negative terms and those negative characterizations of the opposite sex rarely enter their minds.

They’ve done the work on themselves to stave off negativity. They’ve learned to skillfully deal with negative, frustrating behaviour from the other gender.

This is an important issue and both men and women are going to have to choose to value kindness over ego if we’re ever going to have a chance at bridging this widening gulf between the sexes. I hope we make it.

This is a topic that everyone’s got an opinion on. What do you think? Leave a comment below or email me personally.

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About the Author

I'm Nigel and I'm the accountability guru and productivity mastermind.   I offer online accountability coaching to help my clients reach their goals faster and support them every step of the way.   Check out the Online Coaching page to find out how this accountability system will help you reach your business, career, financial, health and personal goals.

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